Friday, June 16, 2006

Walmart Pledge

Recently we at store 5466 had a meeting where a pledge to the customer was revealed. My coworkers and I had to stifle our laughing the entire time because it was so ridiculous and FAKE. I've included my version of the rank-and-file's pledge to the customer. Read and enjoy.

Wal-Mart employee’s pledge to the customer:

1. I will keep the shelves stocked with a never-ending array of erroneous product.

2. I will have knowledge of only my area and will lie to you when given half the chance.

3. I will ignore you and avoid you until you force me to help your lazy ass.

4. I will pass you off on another department at every opportunity so that I may get my menial and repetitivework done.

5. I will send you to the opposite end of the store if you are too stupid to read the signs or to first try andlocate the product yourself.

6. I will keep you on perma-hold when you call, and when I return to the phone will give you a responsecontaining the word "no".

7. I will, with you standing at the counter in front of me, pretend to talk to a manager on the phone when infact I've called my own department's extension and am speaking to the busy signal. My response will alwaysinclude some form of "I'm sorry, but..."

8. I will, when faced with a situation I can neither avoid nor control, tell you "I don't know", smile sweetly andemploy any combination of the above in getting away from your stupid ass.